Victim of the Generational Patterns of Female Disempowerment
Your Adversity Is Your Advantage: Build Your Authentic Brand with These 3 Soul Insights
My name is Pali, coach and owner of Soul’s Lemonade. Using my signature Conscious Branding and Marketing frameworks, I help heart-led female entrepreneurs actualise their ambitions — despite their adversities — to become a vortex for wealth, freedom, and impact.
I consider this my life’s work. The emotional trauma I experienced in early life set me up to remain a victim of the generational patterns of female disempowerment due to deep-seated patriarchal rule. I knew I had to find a way to break this cycle for myself and for the women who came before me, and would come after me.
With courage, I’ve transformed my pain into my purpose and my purpose into my brand. Now, I teach female entrepreneurs to do the same. As with most aspects of building a business, it’s not easy, but it’s worth it!
So, let’s rewind. I’ll tell a bit of my story, and then I’ll share three soul insights to help you turn your adversity into your advantage — and build an authentic brand that reflects you.
The Cage Is Built:
Grandad and Mum
Growing up in a strict South Asian family in the UK, it was easy to feel out of place. It’s safe to say my family’s customs didn’t mesh well with British culture. I saw how other kids were growing up, but it didn’t dawn on me until my teens how different my situation was. I lived not only with my parents and siblings but also with my grandparents, uncles, aunts, and cousins. We practically lived on top of each other with little personal autonomy.
My grandad was a narcissistic, ruthless patriarch who ran a clothing manufacturing business and used fear to line his pockets at the expense of everyone’s happiness — all in the name of family.
If we stepped out of line, we were quickly met with physical and emotional abuse. As a result, my family was always in breakdown mode. My mum seemed to get the worst of it, especially after my twin sisters joined my brother, sister, and me. She had hoped for more boys, thinking that would earn her more respect. Life had other plans. Those two amazing little girls entered the world, and my mum began to fade.
I suspect my mum suffered from mental health problems long before my twin sisters were born. She would obey, work, clean, and perform the duties of a good daughter-in-law, but every now and again, it would become too much for her, and she would unleash violence on her daughters because it was the only ounce of control she had.
Though I experienced and will never condone this violence, I could understand why my mum acted as she did. She worked for the family business from the time she was married at 18 and never had her own bank account. She often expressed wanting to leave for a better life with us kids somewhere else, but she had no means to make it happen.
The Cage Is Rattled:
Dad and Me
But another situation was at hand. As I reached my older teens, I noticed my dad started drinking more than usual. My grandad put him under an immense amount of pressure. Made to work for the family business from the age of 13 without pay, being controlled was all my dad knew. He rebelled in his own ways. He smoked, found a job outside the family business, and tried to build a life that bought him any semblance of control.
Eventually, he lost his job and turned to alcohol to cope. My sweet, calm dad was now a raging monster with a drink in his hand. It was a volatile situation. My parents were their own storms, often colliding with us and each other.
My own quiet storm started to brew.
I saw how my family’s chaos could consume or fuel me. So, I chose to study in another city at university. I explored a new type of freedom but was terrified my family would find out I was enjoying life, hanging out with friends, and going out. My grandad threatened punishment if he learned I was doing something I shouldn’t. The threats were enough to keep my freedom tame: I never drank too much or allowed myself to fully enjoy any moment. Still, I tried to make the most of my so-called “freedom.”
Then, in my final year at uni, my dad died. An undiagnosed rare brain condition and alcohol abuse had caught up to him. It was sudden and shocking, and I didn’t know how to feel. That is until I heard my grandad telling the family that my siblings and I were to blame for his death. This blatant betrayal was the straw that broke the camel’s back. That moment made me stand up to a man I’d been afraid of my entire life — a man I’d spent too long hiding from. I decided I would no longer be afraid of this person who caused my family so much pain.
The Cage Is Broken Open:
New Family and a New Start
There’s much more to the story, but we’ll fast-forward to my late twenties. I married a wonderfully supportive man and was welcomed with open arms into a family who had nothing but love to share.
By my 30s, I was pregnant with my little girl. Her 2019 birth catalysed those first twinges of courage to make big changes. I now had a loving family of my own but began to question if I was truly living a life of freedom. I felt trapped by my job, and becoming a mother made me see the world and my priorities in a different light — making me feel even further trapped. If there is a silver lining from the global lockdown, our little family was home together, giving me with more time to contemplate all of this.
And isn’t that what a lot of us did during the pandemic? I started experiencing the pain I’d held onto from childhood. I’d spent my twenties spiritually bypassing my pain, searching for external solutions for my internal problems, thinking it was healing me. With all my seeking, I still felt I was destined to feel trapped in a cage. I was starting to see that no matter how gilded the cage is, life isn’t meant to be viewed through its bars.
Plus, as a new mum, I think my body and mind were telling me it was time to deal with what had happened in my childhood. I went through a dark night of the soul as I delved into this deep work, but it served as the gateway to a greater awakening, and my business was born in 2021. I was then diagnosed with a life-changing auto-immune condition around the same time. Regardless, I felt nothing could stop me.
“I’d finally broken the cage open. I stretched my wings and was ready to fly.”
When I look back to that pivotal time during the pandemic, I had to get honest about how I wanted to move forward. Three soul insights emerged to help clarify my intentions. And to get answers, I had to go back to the beginning. I speak about these insights in my very first Conscious Codes podcast. I share them to use for your own soul excavation.
SOUL INSIGHT 1: Recognize That You Matter
Above every business tip I can provide, you first must recognize that you matter. If you don’t have a solid sense of self-worth, you will constantly struggle to build a business you love and is thriving. You’ll never find fulfilment and success in something external until you can address what’s going on internally.
Just as you can’t base your self-worth on your child, relationship, or new home, you also can’t base your self-worth on your job. This truth is hard to swallow when you’re the boss and are passionate about building a thriving empire — sometimes to the detriment of your personal life. It’s also easy to rationalise finding your self-worth in work, especially if you’re providing a product or service that helps others.
Don’t fall prey to that thinking. Trust me when I say that you must love and value yourself for who you are apart from external factors. With solid self-worth as the cornerstone, you and your business will thrive.
How do you find your self-worth? I believe it is based on self-reliance, self-resilience, and self-compassion. I’m a strong proponent of seeking therapy to heal old wounds and working with a coach to help define and cheer you toward new goals. It would help if you also got clear on your values.
SOUL INSIGHT 2: Get Crystal Clear On Your Values — Business And Personal
When I suggest clarifying your values, I mean your personal and professional values — and you’ll usually find them quite similar. Do this, and you create consistency as you connect with your clients.
When you identify your values, you’ll use them to decide how to conduct your life and business decisions. Values also serve as an internal compass for stabilising our lives — a necessity for those who have experienced early life trauma.
Typically when defining your values, you might recall situations where you were happy, proud, or fulfilled, both as an individual or with your family. I’m here to offer that you can use adversity to craft your values. How do you do this? Reflect on where you are blocked in life because of earlier circumstances beyond your control.
For example, I treasure freedom and empowerment — two of my biggest values because I lacked both in my early life. So, today I bring these values to my work by creating programs for women to live on their terms, creating wealth and freedom, leading to an empowerment that creates a ripple effect in our communities.
You can do this too. Your values serve as the pen to connect the dots between where you’ve been and where you want to go. They help you solidify the impact you want to leave in the world and lay the foundation for the personal and business decisions that follow.
I recommend working with a coach if you are stuck in identifying your values. They’ll ask the right questions to help you pinpoint these values and determine if you align with them.
After all, how will you know if your business aligns with your values if you don’t know what your values are?
Here’s the best part: Get your self-worth in check, start living in alignment with your values, and people who value the same things as you will come into your sphere. You will attract the right clients.
SOUL INSIGHT 3: Acknowledge That Adversity Can Help You Find Your Why and Who
Coaches often set up their businesses to help solve problems they’ve had themselves. I think it’s natural and leads to identifying one’s coaching niche. The same is true for your business. Here, we’ll call it your why and who: Why are you starting your business, and who are you serving?
When I first started coaching, I wanted to help people and do meaningful and impactful work. But I didn’t know how my business degree and my extensive marketing career for universities and agencies would translate to the coaching space. I had to get creative about combining my marketing and life skill sets to create my coaching niche.
After some serious inner work and business strategising, I decided I wanted to help any woman who felt trapped, experienced trauma, and wanted to heal deep wounds by giving them the gift of entrepreneurship. Using my adversity to get clear on my business mission (my why) and vision (envisioning who I’m serving) has worked for my clients and me, and I know it can work for you.
I encourage you to set aside time to find your why? Why did you decide to go into this type of business? Why are you offering this service or product? What draws you to the audience you’re serving? Chances are, you can track it to a gap you’ve identified in the market. Perhaps that gap has personal ties for you — maybe even ties to a cloud that you’ve turned into a silver lining through your business endeavor.
Explore how your past adversity links to your current business niche and your why and who will reveal themselves.
It’s Time To Live Your Best Life
These days, I spend most mornings with my young daughter and partner. My two client days are interspersed with CEO days allocated for personal, business and content work. I build in time to meditate and journal, see family and friends, and prepare for Baby #2.
My life is the very definition of taking lemons and turning them into lemonade. Now you might have a greater appreciation for the name of my business!
It seems a fitting time to wrap up a couple of plot points of my story because they’re significant. First, my grandad passed away, leaving my mum free from his dictator-like rule. Today, she’s much happier, always laughing, and very kind. She spends her days as she wishes but is not mentally and emotionally wholly healed, even with therapy.
Second, my family’s entrepreneurial spirit has run strong, so you might think I’m continuing that legacy. I say that I’m starting my own legacy, and it is a study of opposites. My grandad ran a clothing factory based on exploitation and manipulation. I’ve built a coaching business based on values, honesty, and empowerment. His business met the needs of the body; my business satisfies the needs of the soul. His business forced my mother into servitude; my business will help provide my mother security and comfort.
So, now’s the time, friend. It’s time to use your adversity to your advantage and live your best life to your personal and professional benefit. Sink deep into your self-worth and love on yourself. Get aligned on your business and personal values. Use the raw material of your early-life adversity to construct a new life masterpiece.
Step into your passion like you’re running out of time.
Dive into your healing.
Find your tribe.
Surround yourself with people who want nothing but to see you shine.
You are so much more than your pain or the trauma you’ve endured.
We all have a story to share and a mission to achieve.
My story makes my mission clear: I’m helping as many women as possible to create spiritual and financial wealth so they can live on their terms.
Because freedom isn’t given, it’s claimed. Are you ready to claim it for yourself?
About The Author
Pali Kaur/ Conscious Business & Marketing Coach
Pali Kaur uses her signature Conscious Branding and Marketing coaching frameworks to help purpose-driven female coaches and business leaders become a vortex for wealth, freedom, and impact. With over a decade of marketing and branding experience, a BSc in Business & Public Policy, and as an accredited transformational coach, her expertise and experience will help you tap into your most unique gifts and share them with your dream clients through a strong personal brand, and marketing with integrity. Pali imagines a world where all women are able to live life on their own terms and believes that by creating wealth, we foster more freedom for ourselves, and create a ripple effect with the impact we want to create in the world. Find her work at www.soulslemonade.co.uk and check out her Conscious Codes podcast for more inspiration.
Podcast: The Conscious Codes